Desperate Housewives (C4): SUSAN has a wandering spleen. Why can't she put it on a lead like anyone else?
This isn't a medical condition with which I'm familiar. I don't even recall Casualty or Holby City delving into that particular area.
Susan, one of the Desperate Housewives, isn't too keen on her new boyfriend Dr Ron performing the surgery she needs. Not because she doesn't rate his medical skills but because "the first time you'll see me naked I'll be on an operating table".
He tries to reassure her. "I'll only have eyes for your spleen". In romantic terms, this doesn't rate very highly. It makes him sound like Hannibal Lecter. If Susan hears him order a glass of Chianti, she should make a quick dash for the hospital exit.
Her confidence is further dented over dinner. Watching him trying to cut a piece of steak, her mind can't help wandering back to the operating theatre.
Dr Ron makes excuses, claiming the meat is overcooked and not the freshest he's encountered. "I've got 35 years on that cow," points out a disturbed Susan.
This second series of Desperate Housewives is veering wildly between the good, the bad and where's the off switch? And I'm sorry that Bree's new beau, creepy and obsessive George, has been killed off. He was good fun to watch, if not for Bree to experience.
Now she has errant daughter Danielle misbehaving. Finding a man - neighbour Betty's son - hiding under the bed doesn't inspire confidence in the teenager's behaviour.
The two mothers go to war, until a spot of blackmail brings about an understanding along the lines of "I won't tell the neighbours your secret, if you don't tell them mine".
We're a little nearer knowing exactly what Betty's other son Caleb has done. "He happens to be slow and sometimes makes mistakes," she explains, making him sound like the President of the United States.
Gabrielle is displaying no charity to Sister Mary, the nun who'd like to get Gabrielle's husband Carlos on his knees - and not to pray.
Gabrielle doesn't hesitate to lie to the priest and tell him Sister Mary is having sex with Carlos. Even getting her packed off to a far-flung church doesn't solve Gabrielle's problems as her husband wants them to have a child. Gabrielle, a woman who values her figure more than a explorer in the frozen Antarctic values his gloves, doesn't want to be taken for granted.
"I want to know I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, not some uterus in high heels," she tells him, shortly after engaging in a punch-up with Sister Mary in the church.
It's funny what the effect the opposite sex can have. Witness Ken Barlow in Coronation Street the other day as he gave Rita advice about using the computer. "I wouldn't want anyone rummaging around my hard drive," said Ken, echoing something we've all said to ourselves at some time or other.
Published: 13/04/2006
