The Apprentice (BBC2); Taggart (ITV1): Week five and Sir Alan Sugar must be getting worried. None of the would-be entrepreneurs being tested in The Apprentice are showing much sign of business acumen.
They've proved a shambolic bunch during previous tasks. One team managed to lose £800 last week, which is tantamount to murder in Sir Alan's book.
This time the two teams faced a creative challenge. They had to prepare TV advertising copy and billboards for an Amsair sky card, an airborne credit card that gives the holder access to hundreds of airlines worldwide.
Things didn't start well as Paul's team booked actors and found locations without deciding a concept for their advertising campaign. Then they went to bed.
The other team did decide on a theme, although when it came to face Sir Alan to hear his judgment they wished they'd gone in a different direction.
Hearing Sir Alan in full, critical flow doesn't make for pleasant listening. Viewers have a privileged view, able to watch with glee as participants are demolished and denigrated by this very unsweet Sugar.
As usual, he had difficulty not so much in finding a winner but in deciding which one was not quite as bad as the other - or in business language, "it's a tough call deciding who's to blame".
Also as usual, team members were keen to turn on each other and pass the blame on to their colleagues when the going got tough.
Sir Alan described the winning team's campaign as mediocre in many respects but they won anyway because the opposing team had got hold of the wrong end of the stick and advertised the wrong thing.
Sir Alan described their TV commercial as like 1970s porno movie Debbie Does Dallas. No-one had the nerve to ask him how he knew what a 1970s porno movie looked like.
In the decade after Debbie did Dallas, detective series Taggart first appeared on TV screens. The title character may have died and new characters introduced but it's still raining in Glasgow and "mudders" occur with monotonous regularity.
The latest story was rather low key with unimaginative killings - strangulation and stabbing - and a plodding investigation. Like far too many thrillers, a mobile phone was a vital clue leading to the identity of the killer. What did writers do before the mobile phone was invented?
The plot involved a Romeo and Juliet romance against a background of showground folk crossing swords with local residents. "True love's all well and good, but we still have a killer to find," said the eternally grouchy DCI Burke.
A stupid act by DI Robbie Ross, who disobeyed orders and blew an undercover cop's cover, led to DC Stuart Fraser being stabbed. It was the sort of silly behaviour that you could quite imagine one of The Apprentices doing.
Published: 23/03/2006
