This was intended to be the final King of the Wing of the season but after last Sunday's game against Brown Trout was postponed Axa's players still have another week to go before they can put their feet up, let their hair down and not worry about what they eat or drink for a few weeks.

Although they do that every weekend anyway.

Personally I intend to undergo a rigorous fitness campaign to prepare for the new season. My aim is to regularly make the trip down to the gym on Skinnergate, do plenty of exercise, take on board lots of fluids and bulk my skinny frame up a little.

Of course, Skinnergate is also home to most of the bars in Darlington so it is possible that this exercise will consist of poor dancing, and the fluids could be alcoholic. And if so, my new physique could be due more to numerous Smirnoff Ices and fattening kebabs than any weightlifting.

Anyway, I could hardly get any less fit than I already am, so I certainly didn't envy the players involved in the Division Two and Division Three cup finals which both went to extra time.

I didn't go to the Division Two final but it seems that Haughton WMC put up a great show to frighten the life out of a Pizza Perfekt side who have a 100 per cent record in the league this season.

And the Division Three showpiece was a fantastic advert for the league, with Mitek and Wheatsheaf Albion - inspired by a lookalike of Conrad from Footballers' Wives - going 2-0 up before Brown Trout roared back.

Albion's Ste Murphy then scored a superb goal in extra time, but the Trout equalised again and went on to lift the trophy after penalties.

Hopefully two weeks on they will still be knackered as we play them on Sunday. They would have to beat us 15-0 to overtake us in fourth place but after winning our last three games it would be nice to keep that run going up until the end of the season.

Our recent form has been so good that boss Chris Johnson even managed to earn his second manager of the month award of the season - a bottle of wine, which would be great if he wasn't perhaps the only teetotal man in Sunday League soccer.

In fact maybe Johnson should be nicknamed 'Mourinho' from now on, and not just because of the few grey flecks starting to invade his black hair. It seems that he has a magic touch, as last weekend he inspired another side in our division to victory simply by talking to one of their players.

Cricketers/Pizza Box star Stephen Noddings got chatting to group of Axa players in Tanners on Saturday night and was quickly ambushed by Johnson. The pair spoke at length and lo and behold, a few hours later Noddings' side had beaten Affinity Healthcare 3-2. Is Johnson really a master motivator, maybe even The Special One? Is it that everything he touches turns to gold?

Or was it just that CJ's conversation was so boring that Noddings nodded off, giving him a good night's sleep ahead of the game while everyone else was hungover?

Published: 13/05/2005