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Column last updated: Friday 19 May 2006
Not in the Trueman class Luck tends to even itself out GIVEN that four-goal fightbacks have helped to elevate Steve McClaren's profile, it would be interesting to know what he truly thinks about England going to the World Cup with one crocked striker, one half-fit, one awkward beanpole unproven at the highest level and a bairn barely out of nappies. Cricketing hotbed DROPPING in by chance this week at a pub in Hurworth, not far from Middlesbrough's training complex, I heard a couple of rumours about Steve McClaren. Not being one for tittle-tattle, I took no more notice than I did when I heard the story about his affair several months ago. Advanced Victor Meldrew mode HORROR of horrors, the flags are back. It would be acceptable if those flying the red crosses from their cars had the slightest inkling that it was St George's Day last Sunday, but their sole idea of patriotism is to flaunt their support for England when a big football tournament comes around. Ashes decision is knife in North-East's back THE way we bend over to please the Welsh you would think they were the only people to suffer from pit closures. We allowed them their own assembly, then they secured the 2009 Ryder Cup ahead of Slaley Hall and in the same year they've now been granted an Ashes Test. The murky world of football AS the media is perceived to become ever more intrusive, sports stars, like politicians, react by becoming increasingly economical with the truth. A laughing stock DEATH and taxes seem remote possibilities alongside the absolute certainties that a moronic motorist will get stuck in the River Wear after heavy rain and the English sprint relay team will drop, or fail to hand over, the baton. And what a surprise that Mark Lewis-Francis was involved. Hair-line decisions SOMETIMES it's used unnecessarily, sometimes it's not used when it should be, and sometimes we use it and still get the verdict wrong. What is it? The all-seeing camera which helps officials to adjudicate in instances of hair-line decisions. What the average director knows about football HOW we love to play guessing games, but just when the feverish speculation surrounding successors for Sven and Souness was dying down Sunderland inexplicably decided to stoke it up again. Injuries in sport PAUL Collingwood went to India knowing that, despite his 96 and 80 in the final Test in Pakistan, he wouldn't retain his place if everyone were fit. Fat chance of that! By the time the current Test started he was a key member of the team, and how magnificently he responded. Shy boys get nothing WITH apologies to David Graveney, Durham have never had a world-class spinner. But they certainly produced the sort of spin New Labour would be proud of this week in launching their bid to stage an Ashes Test in 2009. Indiscretion brings ignominy WHAT does it tell us about referees that so few of them have played their sport to a high standard? They are generally people who like to be the centre of attention, and having failed to gain it through their playing skills they try a different tack. They can blow their bagpipes LET'S take the high road. After years of wondering why that whisky-drinking, caber-tossing clan of hard men otherwise known as Scots had turned into such limp-wristed wimps there are signs that they were merely slumbering. Worthy bedfellows COULD Sven be the next manager of Newcastle? It seems about as likely as Alan Shearer being the next manager of England (he is quoted at 66-1), but the Swede might appeal to Freddy Shepherd as the fellow victim of a newspaper sting. Exclusive rights WHILE taking over the KP moniker from Kerry Packer, it is unlikely to have occurred to Kevin Pietersen that he could not have done it so flamboyantly without the changes brought about by the Australian tycoon. False economy THE festive season can never be far away when the darts take flight at the sporting metropolis of Purfleet. As I'm still one of the Great Undished - that is I don't reach for the Sky - I don't get to listen to Sid Waddell's commentary. Quite a kick in the teeth A WRITER to Hear All Sides wonders what I have to say about Shoaib Akhtar now that the bowler I re-christened the Rawalpindi Rickshaw is proving too good for the England batsmen. Day of reckoning IT'S nothing to do with the arrival of Santa, but I don't think I've been so excited since I used to listen for him coming down the chimney. I'm salivating on the edge of my seat, all aquiver at the prospect of tomorrow night's big fight. Dubious distinction PAUL Collingwood wondered this week whether Durham were the new Surrey. Perhaps they are, although hopefully they'll never be nicknamed "showboats". Wellock's World iT'S always fun at Faisalabad. It was there that Mike Gatting had his infamous slanging match with umpire Shakoor Rana, now we have had a Test with more sideshows than a travelling circus. Tension is mounting THE trouble with euphoria is it never lasts, and I'm afraid last weekend's struck me as a little over the top. Beating the Argentinian footballers is a justifiable reason for a spot of triumphalism, although not quite enough for a repeat of The Sun's "Stick It Up Your Junta" headline. But inflicting a seventh successive defeat on the Australian rugby team should be regarded merely as necessary preparation for facing the All Blacks, while the cricket celebrations were premature. Potentially crippling PUTTING the controversy before the result is the modern way in the media, which is all very well if it's an interesting dispute. But if the same old rows keep cropping up, curmudgeonly codgers like me might seek refuge in sudoku. Get the message across IT'S AT times like this, when we're all sick to death of bird flu and the Tory leadership battle, that we need our sporting heroes to bring some spice to the news pages.
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